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PONY PATTERS THE ULTIMATE GUIDE

A HORSEY BLOG

ALL THE GEAR AND NO IDEA

13/6/2016

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I think I'm at that point in my horsey life that I own a lot of horsey stuff, like freaking heaps.  But given my slightly ADHD personality, none of it matches and its for varying disciplines all mixed together.........so, what I end up looking like is is a multi coloured prat sitting on a large horse. To add to this rather tragic little situation I have gotten myself in to, my XC lesson although fun, further added to my assessment that my riding is as a crazed as my dress sense.

So, to set the scene, here I am at my XC clinic made up with bright red stirrups courtesy of Freejump just because they look cool (courtesy of a drunk at Badminton purchase with a very good sales lady) and a burgundy Mattes sheepy numnah - its just so fluffy.   To add to this I have white brushing boots (what crazy person buys white for their horse), a navy and red hat silk, that goes with my stirrups but not the burgundy numnah nor the pink jackets I seem to have collected (I won't mention the tan saddle but no tan bridle situation that arises regularly).

So yes the Queen of style had not arrived, noooooo she had not.  It was a colour hell.  Anyway, I thought to myself F**K it, at least I can ride properly.  As it turns out, no, I can't actually ride properly at all.  I am a hunter who gallops and barges through.  I come in to the first line of XC fences the lovely Tracy Brown directs us in to and I fall out the corner like a pro and proceed to miss the last fence whilst deciding to turn in the wrong direction for the next one.  It couldn't get any worse, it actually couldn't.  As the lesson proceeds I realise not I only do I look like an absolute asshole I am also riding like an idiot.  I am also informed of the nasty habit I have developed of throwing my arms around in a rowing type fashion as I approach the jump. Perhaps in an effort to row my horse over the fence, of course this will never ever work.

Fortunately as I come to the last 15 mins of the lesson I have managed to restrain the rowing arm movement, actually turn my horse in to a fence with some degree of accuracy and sail over a combination.  Although still horrifically dressed, my horse is at least making it over a fence with me not looking like a complete imbecile.  So, what have a I learnt?!  Who cares about the glorious red stirrups or the incredible cushy burgundy numnah, it will not improve my riding skills, if anything I may now look like I may know what I am doing, when in fact I still ride like the 12 year old hunter I once was (and still mentally am).  Not quite ready 4 eventing yet !!!

Nonetheless, I love it, and adding to the 12 year old in me, I have a freaking pony camp this weekend.  Oh yes.  A bunch of fanatical horse folk getting drunk with their ponies and jumping fences, HEAVEN.  Lets hope no-one notices what I'm wearing :) I do also own red jodphurs he he he
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    A crazed horsey person from head to toe, writing something that I hope will help other horsey folk.

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